Zombie design trends that should’ve stayed buried
(5 min read) Yeeey, my favorite type of topic! The one that allows me to endlessly rant and vent out my frustration into the world! Join me, folks!
Sometimes I open an interior design magazine (I won’t throw names cuz that would be unprofessional) and while going through it I get the sudden urge to take a gasoline can, go to the beach, and burn the monstrosity. I mean seriously, sometimes it’s like walking through the Modern and Contemporary Art department of the Met — it’s just one ugly artwork, after another, with some minor exceptions in between. And the worst, and I mean THE WORST of them all are the zombified trends from decades ago. Sooo, Jimmy put on a Footloose soundtrack and get me a pina colada and let’s get this party started! …Oh, I forgot to mention that the theme of the party is (*insert drumroll here) — Hideous Zombie Trends!
I keep trying to add a pic here and I keep gagging. Ugh. So ugly, so meaningless, so cold and fake. Just imagine any acrylic chair of any design next to your favorite comfy reading chair. It’s like putting a TikToker next to Lana del Rey, or a mashed potato next to a three-course meal of an Italian grandma, or a Chandler Morrison novel next whole Clive Barker opus… it just won’t do bro. Burn that plasticky thing now. Or better yet, sell it on eBay cuz they are outrageously expensive for no apparent reason.
I know that vintage look and farmhouse décor are all the rage these days, but cut it with these atrocious 19-century industrial-looking torture contraptions. Seriously. There is nothing charming about a stainy, oxidized, or even moss-green faucet. Absolutely nothing Karen, you hear me?!
Excuse me, but unless you live in a 400-year-old catholic cathedral, I see no need for it. Beveled glass is pricey, overrated, and pretentious. Just put a normal Glass on your windows and pair everything up with some awesome plushy curtains. There ya go! The effect is terrific and you’ve spent less money than you would’ve spent on beveled glass. Not to mention your neighbors won’t think you’re an angry recluse and eccentric. That will stay between you and me. *wink wink
Gallery walls of family photos
No, Karen, don’t do it! Little Chad has outgrown his little sailor suit a long time ago. He’s into real estate now and he doesn’t appreciate being referred to as ”momma’s little sailor” whenever he comes to visit. Also, Susan, has been earning 3 thousand a month as a Blackjack dealer in Vegas for over five years now, so her time on that rocking wooden horse is long gone. Just frame a mosaic artwork instead. Trust me. It’ll look both classy and sophisticated, not to mention it’ll be a great conversation starter when Mike and Beth come to visit.
Yes, if you didn’t know, that one faucet over your dishwasher isn’t enough. There should be one more. Preferably “strategically” placed right in the middle of your gorgeous mosaic backsplash thereby running it completely. I truly don’t have any idea what was going through the mind of the first person who thought they needed an additional faucet coming straight out of a random spot on their kitchen wall. “Ah, I know what I need! I need another faucet that will go here and look misplaced like something out of the Alien: Covenant movie!” Ppl be crazy sometimes…
Ah, it has been a real joy-ride, amirite? These were some Romero-quality zombies I tell ya. Keep your eyes open wide folks, you never know when one of them might stumble into your home.